this is a blessing in disguise for the west indies cricket team. they have a certain Manish Pandey to thank for that.

they have to join their hands and thank mr. pandey for hitting Chris Gayle with the bat.

Or maybe this is a plan by brad hodge, who anyways intended to throw a kitchen sink at any one who dared to miss field today.

it was the battle of the losers, and the biggest loser lost!

Kolkata owner-is-back-home Knightriders of course.

meanwhile, i tender no apologies for posting so late, i was just plain busy at work.

Amen…

what in the name of south african freedom day is this:

An error occurred while processing your request.

Reference #97.ec0f3d9.1240842660.131e0205

 

they say that the IPL is full of surprises…

nobody in their sane minds would have guessed that….

cricinfo is down

cricket will never be

Harsha Bhogle!

I say balls to this…

Guy was with the Mumbai Indians last year, paid him fat cheques.

this time looks pissed when he has to call a six by some other name…

looks confused about which moment to call the city moment of success…

goes on lunch dates with Mandira Bedi and his son…

in fact, is still coming to terms with the IPL, and still uses test match commentary awesomeness here…

i say balls to this again…

he is definitely, i repeat definitely not the fake ipl player…

well two things:

1. it can not make any difference to the batting average
2. it can make you tell your skipper that the opposition could not get you out..

i have no idea what was going through MS Goni’s head as he refused to run a risky single off the last ball of the innings when oram mishit the ball.

if this game gets the super over bullshit, or if deccan win off the last ball, someone is not going to be all pleased about it.

the someone is me of course. MSD won’t care…its all about being positive!

anyways, Oram, who knew that Goni had threatened to kill his own parents last year, did not further press the matter

the seer’s team play the Chennai Superkings today, followed by the Sachin vs Saurav game…

Watch out for:
game 1: Pragyan Ojha, guy can spin the ball, probably the best since monty…and i think better… 
game 2: Sanath. Due. Law of fucking averages.

Probable cause of boredom:
game 1: Venugopal Rao…i hate negative vibes
game 2: KKR not showing up again

Barney’s Choice:
game 1: Deccan
game 2: Mumbai

Owner Watch:
game 1: Corporate owners…expect to see nothing more than cigarette butts
game 2: some Ambani billionaire against the ‘real’ SRK and the more popular ‘fake’…more smoke…

I know they are in a civil war right now, but their cricketing people are planning another epic battle.

why else would they offer central contracts to 76 people!!!

beats me, it would even beat Rahul Dravid when he is on 180*

anyways, here is the entire army

secretary Nishantha Ranatunga said that in addition to the 20 national cricketers and 15 players from the 'A' team, a further 41 players will be contracted on the following basis - 17 cricketers from the Development Squad, 15 cricketers from Academy and nine from Sixes and Twenty20 specialists

mental note: tell SL Cricket not to worry about the ICL

the KP team take on the Sehwagologists and later on, Yuvra'j’s guys (with Ranadeb Bose of course) take on the Warnies.

Watch out for:
game 1: Sehwag heroics, and Dirk Nannes, the mishra wrist spinner dude is back too…
game 2: Kamran i-am-mature-now Khan

Probable cause of boredom:
game 1: the entire bangalore side…
game 2: Jayawardene batting

Barney’s Choice:
game 1: Delhi
game 2: Rajasthan

Owner Watch:
game 1: both Delhi and Bangalore have non interesting owners, if you pardon me if I say that Vijay Mallaya does NOT look like the owner of Playboy Mansion

game 2: watch out for Shilpa Shetty laughing when her team loses, and go weak in the knees as you see Priety Zinta…

DLF Maximum City Moment of Success DLF IPL Man of the Tournament has been decided…

yes, it is official

no, it is not on Modi’s blog

the man of the tournament is…

 

wait for it..

 

The Strategy Time-out

whatsay?

 

well, only if it is a man and not some sly seductress who entices batsmen to screw their team after 10 overs…

 

the roof the roof the roof is on fire
we don't need no water let the motherfucker burn
burn motherfucker burn
burn, burn, burn, burn

just a little and nothing now it's over
just a little and nothing now it's over
what you said, no,
you're never gonna say again
in your own special way you tear me down

sway - so hypnotic

neither up nor down,
just been turned and turned
it just sits inside so it burns and burns
if i can't decide what makes you hurt
in your own special way you tear me down
so ask me please, please

give me something good, now
something
give me something good, now
give me
come sway this way

a friend of mine did this for me, and i am really insecure

i had to make him ensure me a thousand times that the posting would not be affected. i think there are two gods for me now. one is sehwag. the other is windows live writer.

the aussies won today, so this is not the best day to bash them, but if you have a look around, you would notice that my design guy thinks exactly the opposite…

whatever!

i feel good writing here…

thanks, bob

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

which one of the above do you prefer?

Australia had lost the first game

they needed a saviour

they needed a person to be responsible

they needed to learn how to play spin

they needed someone to bowl spin

cometh the hour, cometh the man (if selected)

Andrew ‘Roy’ Symonds ensured that opportunist bloggers like yours truly do not bait too much too soon

roy gave us a reason to love australian cricket. again!

cricket needs characters

cricket does not need a lot of robots, specially since the robots end up losing

my list of top 5 characters currently in international cricket is this:

symonds, KP, sreesanth, jesse ryder and shahid afridi

there are others too, but i am not in a mood for a glossary right now..

who are your characters?

or do you support robots…

 

this is war, select sides…robots vs characters…

save cricket premier league

modis not allowed…

it may or may not be ranadeb bose now…

a post just came in on the fake ipl player blog thingie

the post came in when Ranadeb Bose was bowling…

is it a case of misinterpreted player, or a case of scheduling the post time. You can easily do that.

Something new in this post:

“I don't know what you guys sense on TV, but watching it from here, the so-called 'excitement' and 'energy' seems even faker than this blog.”

hail modi!

Remember, you heard it second here. You heard it first at amy's. Her link is on the blogroll.
It is ranadeb bose. Yes, the same guy i talked about here yesterday. I am posting from my blackberry and don't know how to link and all, but it is certain. True story.

Get this widget | Track details | eSnips Social DNA

reminds me of RD’s balls!!!

lalit modi would be a happy bastard today.

for the first time this ipl, there was a nailbiting finish…

and for both the matches!

i read somewhere that the modi was shouting “bowl-out” at the top of this squeak during the dying stages of the Kamran Khan is now matured match.

BOWL OUT!

spare him, swimming in currency always hinders clear thought and basic knowledge.

this guy also believes that today was awesome.

now this is stupid, fake of fake, and whatever…but what the heck:

this was at 6:40 pm (about an hour ago):

Twittering will be fun. Had heart breaking match today. Lordie seemed pretty content though. Dildo was furious. But the focus is off me. LOL

this was at 7:30 pm (about 15 mins ago):

No internet here. Have to sms my bro in US. Bit depressed. Will keep twittering. Off to sleep for now.

DISCLAIMER: I am not the bro in the US!

this is ranadeb bose…

 

good fact: has never bowled a no ball

bad fact: will never play for india again

ugly fact: he thinks he will play for india again

 

 

 

 

 

 

this is in reply to a comment on this post by Leg Break:

Who's Ranadeb Bose?

kamran khan is the new kid on the block, they say good things are in store for him.

He bowls the yorker from heaven, here:

he bowled the last over today which made sure that ganguly ends up on the whining side…

7 needed of the last over. Warne leans in to him, squeezes his head till all the negative juices are extracted through his ears

and then he whispers the shane warne secret winning recipe in his ear

and the rest, as they say, is history!

ball 1: wide from hell, 6 needed from 6 balls, of course a numerological plan

ball 1: single to ganguly, all planned, 5 off 5, Kaan Maloo on strike

ball 2: single to agarkar, oh khan, are we losing it? 4 off 4, dada back on

ball 3: dot ball to ganguly, dot ball, warnie is tensed, shilpa is laughing, 4 off 3

ball 4: two to ganguly, 2 off 2, numerology again!

ball 5: ganguly out! what-the-fuck! 2 off 1, Little John on strike

ball 6: one run to ishant, masterplan succeeds…warne is happy, shilpa looks morbid with fear

well, kamran bowled another over after that, some stupid thing they call a super over, but the game for me was over right here….if you can’t score  6 off the last over in a t20, you rather lose motherfucker, lose!!!

if this wasn’t proof enough that this team owner knows nothing at all about cricket, this certainly is.

3 balls to go, 3 runs to get….ganguly looking tensed at the crease, camera pans at Warne, who has an expression on his face which conveys something between i-am-fucked-again and 3-more-balls-and-i-will-attend-to-more-important-issues.

Kamran Khan had never been this tense in his life. On his next three deliveries rest the hopes of the owners and the millions of dollars of the owners.

camera pans on shilpa shetty, one of them owners. SHE IS LAUGHING!

Ganguly is dismissed the next ball!

As they say, cricket is a funny game. An owner doesn’t know shit about the game but her actions dictate it.

the super kings play the dare devils today, whats with the long names these days….

CSK play DD…this is more weird…

anyways, I want baby face morkel to play and freddie to repay

i support the devils of course, but that underperforming rapper should not play. Get the Bhatia dude in, he looks better too.

the fake team are also playing today, against the royals. I don’t care what happens here, but want some good cricket. A gale from gayle would do!

 

good night folks!

keep the gun in mind, and thank god that you are alive

and aussies, play some fuckin decent cricket next time around

fake, fuck off!

What we learnt today: gilly is not a priest, he is a seer

Shilpa Shetty is crying.

She can’t take the trauma of her team playing against the team owned by her DEAR FRIEND Shah Rukh Khan. Awww.

She needs an arm to console her. She needs you now Geoff! She needs you to put your arm along with your mother’s stick of rubab around her and tell her that it won’t be traumatic.

tell her it won’t be traumatic not because you are here, but because she would anyways not understand what is going on in the match

tell her that if she did understand shit about cricket, then where did this come from:

Rajasthan Royals team owner Shilpa Shetty has expressed her delight at her team’s great start to the tournament. “Yay! We won!! Isn’t that coooooool?”, she chirruped gleefully, clapping her hands and jumping up and down with delight. When someone pointed out to her that the Royals had, in fact, been soundly walloped by the Royal Challengers, she seemed a bit confused. “What? We lost? But then why is everyone saying that the Royals are the champions? You must be mistaken,” she cooed

Adam Gilchrist believes that Rohit Sharma is destined for more glory.

Now I don’t think that the title of Priest given to Gilly by the fake holds.

he should be called the paedophile seer. In fact, I have a few questions for him:

what do the stars say about YOUR future, o holy seer?

till when are you going to extend your farewell season?

when will fake IPL player be caught?

when will you take his “overage” wife and show it to him what you are?

when will deccan chargers win the IPL?

when will sachin retire?

when will the US of A be a test playing nation?

when, i ask, when?

the last time such a prediction was made was by warne on kaif…look where kaif is now!

not hit the head!

Heard through the midwicket US Government Spy microphone during the 14th over

KP: 100 Rands say that I can hit the ump on the head with the ball

Fidel Edwards: No maan, you could never do that, even with your South African mother-fucker athlete blood and all, takes some real guts. Like ma mama used to tell…

KP (interrupting): Ah Shut Up you! Wanna bet?

FE: Sure. But if I lose I am still playing the next game!

KP: All right. The way we are going, I may not play the next game! Hmm. (sings) M gonna hit the ump….he gonna fall like dump…

Praveen Bowls, and this is what happens:

“Kumar to Edwards, 3 runs, down leg stump, he connects well off his pads past short fine leg, finding the gap. Kumble slides and picks but cannot stop the three ... Uthappa collects the throw and lobs it back toward the bowler, who doesn't see it coming and cops it flush on the head .. ouch”

KP: Now who did he bet with?

True Story

PS: Australia lost. Period.

because of my inconsistent work hours (have to take care of a few time zones), i could not log in for about 4 hours. When i did, i saw nothing new in my blog. No hate-mails! Well, if you are from mars, thats what i call comments over here.

Amy pointed it out on her blog (thanks a lot sweetie) that she COULD NOT POST A COMMENT! I was almost on my way to call my suit guy and ask him to sue these morons at google till my cousin came over and resolved the thing in less than a minute. Thanks Jess.

no more fake ipl news, as promised.

meanwhile, a little towards the east of middle earth, the aussies seemed to have lots the art of being a top class cricket team. 168 all out doesn’t augur well for the PR at all.

but thats what you get when James Hopeless is your top scorer, and that too 48. btw ex-wannabe rockstar guy took 6 for 38 odd to stamp his position as a Deccan Loser for next year’s IPL, if the Pakistanis are allowed that is. Shahid Afridi dumbass!

I look at Afridi and he gives me the expression of i-could-have-been-what-yuvi-is-today. Son, what do you know? I could have been the President of Divided States of Barneywhims!

Shoaib Akhtar bowled like shit. Why did they seize his handbag I don’t understand. I think the PCB doesn’t understand that if they want him to win them games, they have to let him have his Coke or Pepsi or Gatorade or whatever. SRK would vouch for that.

Roy got out for 2. Comeback? This wasn’t it!

thanks again, Amy

and yeah, the modi doper dude thinks that the ipl strategy break when team members blow each other off would continue. i think he would make a better statement by saying: “I am king. Go fuck yourself!”

PS: I could not resist it. Fake IPL guy has removed the ads. Public pressure you see. Doesn’t make a difference to my opinion of him though.

i am an independent citizen. i have the right to fucken decide what i am going to think about.

the fake ipl guy, and the rest of the blog world have other ideas.

i hear people talking about it everywhere.

i go to the balls, JRod thinks that fake dude gets him traffic

i go to amy’s, she sends in three a day about him. A crush, maybe!

this non-starting-xi-whoever-the-fuck-he-is is getting to my head now, to the point that i do not care.

i don’t care who he is

i don’t want to care, i want to enjoy the read and get on with my life.

remember when you were a kid and something weird happened at the movies. something which could not be explained, trust me, if you see star wars too young, you know what i mean. my dad always used to tell me not to think about it. enjoy it, and move on.

the blog is good, it is here on the blogroll too. look to the right!

in fact, i love reading his take on how the world shits on him while he thinks he is having the last laugh.

it might be SRK

it might be buchanan

it might be me!

it might be that weird John Douchebag from next door

whoever you are, sir, i like what you write, and though your idea of putting ads on it was plain jerk-class behaviour, i am not concerned about that

keep your posts rolling, i will read them and not comment on them

i am paranoid now…

give me some more of his posts! QUICK.

You, yes YOU! Why don’t you write it. It anyways is fake, who would know if its you or the KKR jerk!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cricinfo tells me that there is a new series on from tomorrow. Australia play Pakistan in whattdyacallit….Abu Dhabi, somewhere in the east of middle earth.

Symonds and Shoaib are making their comeback. It is Symond’s third comeback whereas it’s Shoaib’s 299th, out of which 55 have been comebacks from drug bans. Mohd. Asif nods from the wilderness.

Brett Lee is also back. Sad for the IPL people.

I think they should just let Roy and Shoaib take turns playing in the desert and let the rest fulfil the dreams of the respective WAGs, earn some godddamn money in the Lalit Druggie Modi Monsoon Extravaganza!

there are a hell of a lot of unknown guys in the pakistani team who i want to decide whether to know more about or not.

going off to sleep now. South Koreans were typically pissed at work today.

Since this is my first post, I would love to warm up first. Talking about this fake-ipl-wannabe-player-dude-guy is a good way to  do so.

People around the world have different ideas on who this guy is, rather, who they want this guy to be.

Some say he is Akash Chopra. Wasn’t this the guy who kept trying his best to score at a strike rate of over 40 for his entire test career? If you call that a career, that is.

I have read all the posts by the fake ipl guy. I love it. It is pure awesomeness. It must be a great feeling for him, a feeling similar to when you parade your math professor naked all over the university while you are burning stacks and stacks of his manuscripts.

Interesting times to start a cricket blog. Hope I am accepted. Cos if I am not, I might end up being more popular!

Hah!

 

Thanks a lot to cricketwithballs, you were always my inspiration